JHL STAFF

At JHL, it's the employees who matter the most. We invest literally hundreds of millions of dollars in training, stress management, and continued education. We will stop at nothing to make our employees happy, healthy, and, most of all, very, very productive.

Take a few moments and let us introduce you to the people who make JHL-brand clones a success.

EXECUTIVE STAFF

Dr. Greg Major Chief Executive Officer Greg Major co-founded JHL with COO Brad Randolph in March 1874 and has served as the company's Chairman, President, Chief Executive Officer, and as a Director since its inception. Prior to founding the company, Dr. Major was employed as Vice President of Engineering for Advanced Genetics, Inc., a Seattle-based research and development organization and worked as a design engineer for the U.S. government. Dr. Major received his degree from Pontificia Universidad Catolica del Peru.

 

Brad Randolph Chief Operating Officer Brad Randolph co-founded JHL with CEO Greg Major in March 1874 and has served as the company's Vice President and Chief Operating Officer since its inception. During the 1860s, Mr. Randolph ran a genetic consulting firm which boasted clients such as Nabisco, General Electric, and Advanced Genetics, Inc. where Mr. Randolph and Dr. Major first met. Mr. Randolph received his B.A. from Tupelo Community College and his Masters Degree from getadegree.com in 1997.

 

Kelly Tice Director of Northern Region Operations Kelly Tice has served as the company's Director of Northern Region Operations since its inception. Prior to joining the company, Mr. Tice worked as a liason for the U.S. National Environmental Concerns Consortium, a lobbyist for the Save The Antarctican Sea Bass group, and as a machinist for Delvin and Gretsky's Welding and Fabrication in St. Louis, Missouri. Mr. Tice received his B.A. in Humanities with a minor in Socialism from the Stanford University School of Business.

 

Tonya Barnett Chief Financial Officer Tonya Barnett has served as the company's Chief Financial Officer since March 1999. Ms. Barnett has also held the position of Auditing Enforcement Director and has served as a director since April 1999. Prior to joining the company, Ms. Barnett acted as the General Manager of Zahn Allocation Services, an corporate aquisition partner based in Palm Beach, Florida. Ms. Barnett is well-known for her time saving 1975 invention of the low-light, reusable squeegee.

 

Kelly Wittrock Director of Really Tiny Fasteners Kelly Wittrock has served as the company's Director of Really Tiny Fasteners since October 1989. Prior to that, he held the position of Acting Director of Really Tiny Screws from 1982-1989, Manager of Really Tiny Torq Head Fasteners from 1978-1982, Supervisor of Pretty Tiny Self Tapping Screws from 1972-1981, and Production Chief of Relatively Small Nuts and Bolts from 1965-1972. Mr. Wittrock received his Masters Degree in Microfastener Technology from The DeVry Institute in December 1981. Prior to joining JHL, Mr. Wittrock worked as the Chief Architect of the Roebuck Tower project, the Technical Supervisor during the first restoration of the Taj Mahal, and as an oceanic topographer.

 

Dave Abbott Primary Functional Representative Dave Abbott was born December 15th, 1915 in Hoboken, N.J., and as a schoolboy nursed ambitions to be a journalist. Mr. Abbott touched the big time in 1939 when Harry James, fresh out of Benny Goodman's band and not yet a major star in his own right, hired him to be a vocalist in his new band. He left James a few years later to take an offer from Tommy Dorsey with whom he had recorded more than 90 songs with before he left. In 1978, Mr. Abbott accepted a position with the Reno Business Counsel and Tissue Bank where he directed a study of the effects of chromatid depletion on inbreeding. Later that year, Mr. Abbott received his degree in Advanced Endocrinology from John Hopkins University graduating Magna Cum Laude. When allegations first surfaced of his involvement with organized crime, Mr. Abbott graciously accepted legal counsel from JHL. Very shortly thereafter, Mr. Abbott accepted a position with the company and has acted as the Primary Functional Representative ever since. Mr. Abbott has also been honored with four Grammy nominations and acts as CEO of Innovative Rasterizers Unlimited, a Houston-based cloning firm.

 

Chee Security Officer Chee has only one strand of DNA.

 

Jason Turley Vice President of Telephone Wire Insulation Inspection Jason Turley has served as the company's Vice President of Telephone Wire Insulation Inspection since 1932. After scoring 20 out of 100 on the Standardized PSI test, Mr. Turley focused his unique talents on electroresistive coating inspection where he rose to the top of his field in a matter of days. Finding it cheaper to hire Mr. Turley than to keep an electrician on staff, JHL offered him a position on the Board of Directors. Mr. Turley now spends most of his time and company resources communicating with the late Alexander Bell and Nikola Tesla.

 

MARKETING

Exploiting the loyal JHL customer is the job of our Marketing division. These guys spend countless hours targeting the consumer, building implementation models, and shaping new products. Nearly 99.7% of our working capital is invested in our Marketing department. Our auditors are often stunned when they see $500+ invoices from business partners such as Spec's Liquor Mart, Molina's Mexican Cafe, and Centerfolds Men's Club, but we know how important it is to find out what you, our customer, really wants in a JHL-brand clone.

ENGINEERING

 

We have one of the finest engineering staffs on the planet. These are some of the most highly trained technicians in the field of human cloning. While normally rather reclusive and involved in their work, we did manage to get this quick snapshot of the guys in action.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT

Coming soon to JHL!

PRODUCTION

Our Houston based state-of-the-art production facility works 24 hours a day all year-round. With over 3000 total employees, we are one of the largest human cloning plants in the world. We are also ISO 9000-4 certified and U.S. MIL-4552 compliant. We take great pride in our commitment to producing high-quality, low-cost JHL products. We feel that commitment shows in each clone we build.

On a sad note, the workers in this photograph were killed only days after it was taken. On July 23rd, Boiler #4 exploded without warning sending shrapnel thoughout the West end of the Pre-Processing House. Clean-up crews reported finding tissue as far as 300 yards away. The force of the explosion was great enough to lodge some raw clone tissue in trees, cars in the parking lot, and the far wall next to the bit pouring chamber. This page is dedicated to their memory (the workers - not the clones).