JUDGE ISSUES INJUNCTION AGAINST JOEL'S HEAD LABORATORIES

HOUSTON, Texas - Texas State Supreme Court Justice Thomas R. Phillips ruled Wednesday that Joel's Head Laboratories be temporarily barred from posting any non-court-sanctioned head-containing material until a suit brought against JHL goes to trial.

Joel's Head Labs publicly introduced the controversial unit Tuesday, in what insiders call a classic "raspberry" against the plaintiff company, Innovative Rasterizers Unlimited. Judge Phillips issued the injunction yesterday amidst a constant barage of phone threats and a mass of petitioners camped on the courthouse lawn, many of whom looked eerily identical.

The lawsuit seeks financial reimbursement for JHL's alleged "breach of trust" in handling of IRU's confidential intellectual material. The judge ruled with the reasoning that the injunction would not greatly burden JHL. Many industry insiders agree.

JHL Vice President of Difficult Stuff and Non-Addictive Pain Killers, Greg Major, said that Joel's Head Laboratories did not see the ruling as a setback. "JHL, like the Russian Mafia, takes criticism with a smile and then waits for the wee hours of the morning to leave decapitated horse heads in peoples' beds." Again, industry insiders agree.

Yesterday's ruling was the only the first step in what looks to be a very long road for Innovative Rasterizers. Already JHL has issued preliminary documents involving a counter-suit against IRU which alleges theft of intellectual property and defamation of character. Industry insiders doubt that JHL has any character to defame.

Phillips said that Judge Judith Sheindlin, most well-known for her role as Judge Judy on the popular daytime television program, would be handling the trial heretofore. Judy, selected by both council as an optimal choice, is expected to take the trial to the highly classified military airbase "Area 51", a government installation known all too well by JHL staff.

Judge Judy, during a rare out-of-courtroom interview, said, "I really liked the movie Titanic and I saw the pictures of what both the plaintiff and defendants intended to do. I can't believe what those [expletive] [expletive] did to those poor kids. I'd like to whip both of those companies with a [expletive] bullwhip, staple their eyelids to a [expletive] tugboat, and have them pulled around the [expletive] Pacific for half-a-[expletive]-year. This case is a [expletive]-load of techno-geeky horse [expletive], though I'll be utterly unbiased and compassionate in my ruling."

A big IRU win came when Judge Judy announced that she intended to sequester the jury. This came shortly after Judge Phillips ruled that all new JHL product plans must now be verified by Adobe Systems, a long-time supporter of Innovative Rasterizers and maker of the popular photoediting tool Adobe Photoshop. JASC Software, makers of Paint Shop Pro, were candidates in the decision, as well, but were removed from the running due to their involvement in the VectorGate scandal.

Founded in 1999 and based in Houston, TX, Joel's Head Laboratories is the leading provider of fine Joel's Head products. Visit JHL's web site at <http://www.joelshead.com>.

Founded last Thursday and also based in Houston, Texas, Innovative Rasterizers Unlimited is a leading force in the cutting-edge Big Sinking Ship Movies with Different Peoples' Heads on The Actors industry.

SOURCE Associated Press

EDITOR'S COMMENT

Industry insiders are assholes.